SYSTEMIC PATTERNS FOR WOMEN LEADERS - DRAGOȘ RITI, FOUNDER, SYSTEMIC EDUCATION CENTER, ROMANIA

Thank you so much for bringing men into your world in this project. I think dialogue between men and women is a must because on dialogue we can build for both sides. It's something that enables us to grow together.

For me there's no differentiation between professional life and personal life. I'm saying this because with the help of this view on the dynamics of the systems we can see that there's a strict and very close relationship on the way each one of us is working in a professional environment, which is very much linked to our personal background. Sometimes we're trying to exclude this and these things may lead to difficulties in communication, management, leadership.

We are both constructed from male and female energy. And sometimes this is leaving a mark on our behavior if we are male gender or female gender in the way we're connecting to the world or in the way we're initiating a conversation. It's very important from which place we are looking at things and from which place we're looking at the world.

What I see more often is men looking for resolution, and not only resolution, but quick resolution. They're looking for solutions. And sometimes by being challenged to find solutions men are overlooking the process in order to get to the solution.

As a difference, if I'm looking at a woman facing the same issue, I would suspect that the woman would look also into the process of how one would be getting to that point. That's why I said women have a broader perspective and a larger opening than men, who are very direct.

That doesn't mean men don't have that or they're not able to do that, but mostly this is the action. And the challenge is as long as we're trying to find a solution, sometimes the solution is moving farther away from us.

Usually we look at our patterns as being bad things or the things that are hindering us to do our job. But actually those patterns are giving us some special abilities that the company or the organization needs from us.

If I were a woman in a team of men, I think there's a need to adjust my language to the hearing of men. If I'm able to tune into that, then the message that I'm sending will go there clearly.

This is also about inviting the men to listen. Men usually are listening, but to themselves or in a close relationship with other men because they consider themselves as being very analytical and goal driven. So it's this invitation that we can make to men: What if things are not that? What if I can provide something different for the decision we will be taking?

We are so very different, men and women, and not only by genetics, but also by energy and the way we're looking at things. If we can acknowledge that one to each other, then the communication will start to be easier between us because men lack some qualities that women have and we're not able to tap into that on our own. We are not trained to look at those qualities and to listen to women as women have some qualities that we don't have. But those qualities can be acquired in time, and that's a matter practice and exercise.

One of the patterns that can occur is rejection of authority. That may come from the personal pattern that we're having, which is rejecting our parents, rejecting our father.

If we had a difficult relationship to our father, which represents the figure of authority in the family, then we will be attracted to companies with that specific pattern. And then we'll fight our bosses, our leaders, because we are in that pattern.

This also says something about the organization. It's also about your organization. What happened in the organization with the founder or with the the founders, that hierarchy or authority is not respected? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves.

Belonging is related to survival. So, if I'm in a board minus 1, and I think I have the competencies and enough experience and I can provide something of value to the board, what matters is from where I'm looking at that place - the board.

If I'm in a survival mode, if I'm trying to demonstrate that I am good enough, then it will be very difficult to be there because I will find a lot of pushback.

But if I'm in a place where I can show myself and stay in a place of responsibility and take the consequences of my action with maturity, then this is the gateway to that desired place on the board.

The glass ceiling, if we're looking at at from the personal dynamic, is related to how we look at our parents. And if our parents, let's say, were not thriving - they didn't have a very good job or they stopped at a certain level - then inside of me, and especially for the girls in relation to their fathers - what happens is that I cannot allow myself to be more successful than my father, and then I'm hitting the glass ceiling.

So, in order to step into that position on the board, it's to be able to betray, you know, the level of competence of your parents and to allow yourself to be more than what they were.

I think this is the dream of each parent that their children can be a step forward than they they were. But inside of us there is this unconscious loyalty, this blind loyalty to our parents, that it's stopping us to get to that point.

If we are present and we are aware of our abilities, capabilities, experience, and we're not working from that place of survival, then I think we can create something to take that step to the next level.

Mentoring and sponsoring women is a question of sacrifice and responsibility. They go hand in hand.

So I'm able to mentor you because that's not involving too much. My responsibility is stopping here.

But if I'm going a step further and sponsor you, taking you with me, this has consequences. And the consequences are on both sides.

This is usually difficult for men because we're all human beings, we all have these patterns, which are unconscious, and sometimes they are not allowing us to take the next step. And that next step is: If this person I'm sponsoring is doing a faux pas or something, then my, reputation is taking a hit. Am I responsible? Am I able to stay in that place where my image will look in a different way?

If I'm a solid person and if I'm aware of my abilities and my place, then that should not bother me because this is part of the process of growth.

But it would certainly be easier for a man to sponsor a man because there's this sense of camaraderie: He's a man like me, so if we go down, we go down together, or he can help me step out at a certain point. As long as we are with a woman, I'm not sure I have my fighting partner with me. I'm not sure whether I can count on her or her energy.

These are unconscious patterns. But again, If I'm clear and I know my strength and my place, then this shouldn't be a problem to be in a place of sponsorship for women. And I accept that my image can take a hit.

We are different. We are not equals by no means. And I'm not talking about well-being or money. It's about our energy, abilities, capabilities. So we have to accept that, and we need to accept our limits.

I am limited to some things as you as a woman are limited to some things. And then, if we're both aware of this space in which we're doing what we have to do, this is a good place of cooperation.

In order to move the world forward, we can do that only by being together, by cooperating.