AIKIDO FOR WOMEN LEADERS - JOHN SCHERER, FOUNDER, THE SCHERER LEADERSHIP CENTER WORLDWIDE

My own life was transformed by a man - my father, who was an alcoholic. I learnt so many things because of that. If my pop stopped drinkined when I was a kid, I would have been the happiest kid in Richmond, Virginia. But I would not be on this call with you today.

Afterwards my life took me in many directions. I became a combat officer on a US destroyer, a chaplain doing crisis counseling with people on the street, and, ultimately, I ended up in family therapy and organization development.

My whole life I wanted to get people in real conversations about real things in real time. To all women out there listening, my heart is on your side. I I don't know what it's like to be a woman, but I have been in conversations for years with women facing what you probably are facing, so if I could be of help, I would love to do that.

In the early days women had to act like a man and be masculine in the workplace. If you wanted to get promoted, you had to look like a man, talk like a man, act like you were making decisions like a man, and so on. In those days, 50 years ago, those archetypes wwre more rigid than they are today. What a sacrifice and what a cost that was. I think there's been a softening in general, which is good for our world,

I want to hold out for all of you women watching: Many cultures are ready for you. Your culture may be ready for you. So push it. Push yourself. Be yourself fully and see what the culture does. And frankly, if the culture today isn't ready for you, to be who you are, please find another find another culture. That's my advice.

The first principle of good communications with men is to show up. Be 110% present right now. A lot of men don't know how to do that. They're all distracted and so on.

Second thing, the second principle is to be up to something worthwhile to him. What is it that is important to him? Talk about something that's worthwhile to him and to the team or the organization or the business or the mission or whatever else is going on in his life. What is keeping him up at night? Can you help him? Can you speak to that need?

The 3rd principle is to speak his language. Analytical power, relationship, inspiration, whatever. Imagine that he's from another country and you are trying to communicate something important. Wouldn't you wish that you were fluent in his language? I know I've spent 16 years in Poland , working all around Eastern Europe, and I did some teaching in China, Singapore, Scotland, the UK, even in Russian. So, what language does he speak? I need to speak in his language.

And then, finally, it's very important that you find out what he heard. And that takes a lot of guts, a lot of courage.

I'm a straight white old guy, college educated. I'm the problem. I represent the problem. I walk in a room, it never occurs to me to wonder whether I have a right to speak in the room.

Most men didn't wake up in the morning one day and say: I think I'm gonna be a jerk. You know, I think I'm gonna be really hard and nasty to women. Maybe some did, but probably not. They've just been trained by the work, by their culture, by their upbringing, by everything that's going on. If you're talking to someone at the top of an organization, they're probably college educated and they're probably white. A lot of the men are white and they're male. So they have a lot going against them.

It's very, very important to be able to stand beside a man rather than confront the man or surrender to the man or bow to the man to stand beside the man and say: let's look at this together. That's aikido, and this could do so much good to both us, men, and women alike.